I arrived in Sydney on fri night and was not feeling particulary good but went to the opera bar all the same with lib and jen as i knew paul would be there. The next day i went to the gym and did a cardio work out which was good and did not feel like eating after it so didnt! The emptiness felt good although I kept trying to tell myself that i cant fall back into that trap!
We went to manly beach the next day which was nice. I am pleased with myself as i have trained everymoring except saturday since being here! Thank god for fitness first! Me and libby did a spinning class at 6'45 am this moring even!
Sydney is exactly the same as when i was here 3 years ago. One a couple of nights ago after we had all been out drinking i ended up binging on food as was hungry and i walked past this convenience store and remembered that i had done exactly the same 3years ago (that is hardly eaten all day and then ended up binging!). I was kinda shocked and it made me realise that this has been going on way to long. Its so hard to change habits which you have had for the last five years though. We arrived on fri and already my clothes are looser and to be honest it makes me feel so much better! I am making myself eat breakfast and dinner even if ditch lunch and there is so many sushi places around i just cant resist!
Was on the beach today and left before the others as needed a break from the sun. They went drinking and i felt really jealous as i had asked paul to come with me but he wouldnt he stayed with lib and jen and tim and it really got to me. We headed to the star bar for dinner and tim texted me asking wat were the plans and because i had no idea i just said nothing to do with me i dont no. So him and paul came upstairs and Tim had a go at me saying why was i so moody etc and i (already feeling on edge) started crying and walked out, felt annoyed with paul as he didnt even come after me or stick up for me.. shows how much he cares hey! So anyway i came down here to the internet cafe to let off steam!
I cant wait for the morning, im not going to do weights with libby as planned as my legs still hurt from weights on tues, im doing hard cardio and going to beast it and then stomach im quite hungry now though so may need to get a snack before bed! Really dont want to eat as its so late but otherwise i wont be able to sleep!
So that was my night.. really want to call my mum but havent got any money until tmorrow as ric owes me money so i cant, i think i will just go for a bit of a walk around the city instead!
Hope tomorrow is a better day in terms of getting on with people and feeling happier.
Jen xxxxxx