Jenny Doyle

Yesterday (xmas eve) the gym was closed and we had decided to go to palm beach quite early which is quite far away so i went running. I felt relatively fit but my calfs and achilles cramped up heaps and restricted me alot! I had a shake for brekkie but at the beach was hungry so had a carrot, smoothie and roll! felt so full, if i didnt feel full i would not mind about the eating! A few days earlier i had felt like i looked good on the beach due to lack of food but yesterday i did not like the way i felt but stil i went for a meal in the evening with Paul to Doyles fish restuarent and it was lovely although i did not need a side salad.. i always have to order too much.. must be greedy! felt yuk after that so was not fun drinking and meeting up with others!

Planned to go to gym today (was open can you believe) but woke up late and opened presents and didnt happen and then drank too much wine so no run for me! We had bbq food but didnt eat THAT much as think tummy as shrunk a little as got full quite quickly.. that was like nine hours ago and im still full!

The girls all seem quite quiet and deflated now.. think they may miss their families. I miss mine heaps too especially opening presents in the moring but it just does not feel like xmas day so its not too bad really!

Feel like i need something to eat now but also still full.. its a funny feeling! Really hoping i can get back into proper training tomoro.. it will be hard but i need to do it!
No more news from here in Sydney on xmas day.
Love Jen xxx

It was not a good start to the day when i got up at 6:30am to go to the gym and libby was really off with me. She said she was annoyed that i hadnt texted her back last night when i went off and that i hadnt eaten. The first point selfish of me but maybe i wanted someone to worry or maybe i just didnt want to get in touch with anyone , im not sure what i was thinking to be honest! So anyway it got a bit better in the gym although weights were v.unproductive as my legs still hurt from the last session.

I got back and the others were on their way out to the ferry but i didnt want to go, am not sure why i think i just wanted to be on my own! I had bought some protein shakes the night before so i had one of those for breakfast and two slices of cheese!

I then just lay on my bed and fell asleep for a couple of hours which was nice, about 12:30 however i decided that i could not lie in bed all day so wandered down to the botanical gardens and slept there in stead! I feel like i have put weight on today for some reason-on my tummy... dont think i can of.. maybe its in my head.. most things are! I took a carrot with me for lunch but have not been hungry all day. I have to make myself have tea though. I have thinking about xmas eve, day and boxing day as the gym wont be open so i must go for a run. I know wen i dont eat much i get the most painful stitches which prevent me from even moving so i must eat before running and drink gatorade for electrolytes and i hope that will work, i walked the route i will take today, round by the opera house and botanical gardens!

Had a missed call off paul about 4:30pm, to be honest i just dont want to talk to him as i have nothing to say i mean if he was that bothered he would have called this morning or at least tried again! Not sure what to do with myself tonight as im pretty sure everyone will be drinking together, might just have a wonder again. We' ll see, havent spoken to anyone today.. its been very quiet, unusual for me!
love jen x

I arrived in Sydney on fri night and was not feeling particulary good but went to the opera bar all the same with lib and jen as i knew paul would be there. The next day i went to the gym and did a cardio work out which was good and did not feel like eating after it so didnt! The emptiness felt good although I kept trying to tell myself that i cant fall back into that trap!
We went to manly beach the next day which was nice. I am pleased with myself as i have trained everymoring except saturday since being here! Thank god for fitness first! Me and libby did a spinning class at 6'45 am this moring even!

Sydney is exactly the same as when i was here 3 years ago. One a couple of nights ago after we had all been out drinking i ended up binging on food as was hungry and i walked past this convenience store and remembered that i had done exactly the same 3years ago (that is hardly eaten all day and then ended up binging!). I was kinda shocked and it made me realise that this has been going on way to long. Its so hard to change habits which you have had for the last five years though. We arrived on fri and already my clothes are looser and to be honest it makes me feel so much better! I am making myself eat breakfast and dinner even if ditch lunch and there is so many sushi places around i just cant resist!

Was on the beach today and left before the others as needed a break from the sun. They went drinking and i felt really jealous as i had asked paul to come with me but he wouldnt he stayed with lib and jen and tim and it really got to me. We headed to the star bar for dinner and tim texted me asking wat were the plans and because i had no idea i just said nothing to do with me i dont no. So him and paul came upstairs and Tim had a go at me saying why was i so moody etc and i (already feeling on edge) started crying and walked out, felt annoyed with paul as he didnt even come after me or stick up for me.. shows how much he cares hey! So anyway i came down here to the internet cafe to let off steam!

I cant wait for the morning, im not going to do weights with libby as planned as my legs still hurt from weights on tues, im doing hard cardio and going to beast it and then stomach im quite hungry now though so may need to get a snack before bed! Really dont want to eat as its so late but otherwise i wont be able to sleep!

So that was my night.. really want to call my mum but havent got any money until tmorrow as ric owes me money so i cant, i think i will just go for a bit of a walk around the city instead!
Hope tomorrow is a better day in terms of getting on with people and feeling happier.
Jen xxxxxx

Yesterday was a good day, felt confident again and things (exercise and food) were fairly consistent, well as consistent as they could be! I did a spin class in the morning and then weights with libby at lunch time which really nackered me out. I always dont feel like eating after weights as i want the post exercise phase to burn fats but i was so tired i needed protein and there was an Australian Institute of Sport volleyball launch happening with free food (Free food AGAIN aarrgghh!). So i ate chicken but didnt feel so bad after it but craved more food and sweet things but resisted which i was pleased about!

We had a meeting at about 3pm and it was for 1 hour but by 3.15pm my head was drooping and i actually could not keep my eyes open, it must have looked awful and i felt so rude as it was not even boring but anything in which i need to concentrate in makes me just drop off especially around 2-3 pm!

I had a coffee after that to give me a kick before touch but work was stressing me out big time so i left all wound up and cycled to the beach to destress. It was about 30degrees and i had half an hour before leaving for our touch game! So i just lay there listening to music (the flies were annoying me though!).

I was a bit happier by the time i got home as i had some magazines sent over by my lovely mum! I didnt binge before touch too and felt much better for it as i felt much lighter running. We got home about 9pm and i was so hungary so I had noodles for tea folowed by a yoghurt and then packed for sydney and was quite pleased again that i kind of controlled it!

Today is not a good day, was up at 5.55am for training with libby as i promised her i would. I felt so tired and energy deficient though. We did sprint and agility training and it was a killer, my legs burnt and i felt so unfit although i no i cant be, it must be tiredness! We trained for 45mins and then had to head to work. Work is ok so far although we went to the shop as i wanted gum and i ended up buying a big bag of nuts and raisons (not a good idea) so i ate about half (wat a pig) and now have made libby take them off me and hide them! Also got a coffee and bananna. We are here until 6.30pm doing lactate testing in the lab and then off to touch again followed by spinning starting at 5.55am. I am not looking forward to it. The only thing keeping me going is the thought of going to Sydney tomorrow night and sleeping for days... I hope I dont sound like im moaning too much.. this blog thing is more for me than anything else though so i can keep track of progress (if any)i make.
Love to all
enjoy your sleep its valuable!
Jen x

Today started well, libby dragged me out of bed at 6am but the weather was good and i managed to work quite hard in spinning for 50mins and sweated alot which always makes me feel as if i have worked hard! Then headed home for shower and into work, im quite bored of it though at the moment, i have nothing to sink my teeth into and seem to hovering or messing on the net unless something specific is on which needs me to be there.

Then came lunch, we have been offered free food all week and it sucks because i act like a vulture when im offered it. its not like im even hungary. You would honestly think i hadnt eaten for a week the way i act, i think its because i just like free stuff. I need to try and tame myself. Lib has been to see Kylie with me for 15 mins and we sat down and kinda made an agreement with each other to help each other train. The proble with me is that i have no consistency. I either train for 3 hours in one day or do nothing and get upset, so lib is going to help me with a sensible routine which will be adequate to keep me feeling good. I have been keeping up my training diary and me food diary also as i am off to see a nutritionist after xmas. Not looking forward to leaving Kylie to tell the truth i really want to keep seeing her but have little choice as i must move onto my second pplacement. I will leave to fly to Auckland as late as possible and have extra sessions before i leave. Kylie has set me short term goals to focus on for sydney and with libs help i feel that i can move forward and acheive them. i will have down times but i will also have paul there to look after me.
Well i must dash and do my laundry.. how exciting, all my love jen x